Beware of Elephant!

"What was that?"
"Did you see that guy across the parking lot?"
"Yes."
"He farted before he got in his car."
"That was a FART, are you serious? Is it humanly possible to fart that loud?"
"Apparently so. I saw him do 'the Squat' before he sat down and closed the door." (proceeds to mimick 'the Squat')
"That sounded like an elephant."
"Amazing."

Just so you know, if you set any kind of a world record for fart volume, even if you think nobody is around, someone is bound to hear it. And that someone will then proceed to tell the world about it on the internet.

And that someone's husband will also mimick you doing "the Squat," which will further provide entertainment in the form of mental replays.