Thursday, July 07, 2005

Breakin' Up is Hard to Do

Had to end things with the Fed Ex guy this week. You can tell by the added "the" in front of his title that this relationship was doomed to failure. He doesn't even get an official "Fed Ex Guy" name - just THE Fed Ex guy.

We have officially switched to DHL and have cancelled our Fex Ex daily pickup. But somehow, nobody told the Fed Ex Guy, so he came by anyway and saw a pile of DHL packages sitting outside our door.

Caught cheating. Oh the shame.

Jamie and I were hoping to get away without a confrontation but we should have known better. We knew we were in trouble when he strolled into Jamie's office and leaned on his dolly (usually a warning sign for "LOOK OUT - he's about to break into another 1960's hippie story). We tried to head it off, hoping he would just get the picture and go away.

"Got nothing for you today."

"You didn't have anything for me on Friday either. I came by and saw a bunch of DHL packages."

There was no avoiding it this time.

The crusher: "Yeah, we've switched to DHL."

Then came the excuses. "They're cheaper. And we can get supplies the same day if we run out. And the billing is easier. And they can pick up Ground and Express shipments."

All true enough. But essentially the courier equivilent of "It's not you, it's me. I just don't want to be in a relationship right now."

When what we really meant was "You talk too much. We don't have time - and when we do have time, we don't care - to listen to more stories of your hippie days. Or your constant teasing about 'did we come from our other dancing job' when we wear heels to work. Or incessant forced jokes about 'are we really working today.' Take the packages and be on your way! And stop flirting with Jamie, you're older than her father! We're tired of feeling like we have to hide in the back around 2:30 every day so we can avoid the agonizing five minutes of the 'stop, lean and talk' routine. It's not us - it's you. So it's over, we're through, and we've already moved on to fabulous no-nonsense DHL Guy."

(Notice that DHL Guy gets a name...this relationship has great potential).


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