Wishful Thinking

"You missed it - she said "hi" while you were gone."

"No she didn't."

"Yes, yes she did! It sounded like this...'Haaaii!'"

"She's been making that sound since she was 3 weeks old."

"No, it was a WORD this time, I swear! I asked her if she could say it and she DID!"

"Babies don't talk at 3 months."

"She did. I heard her. She's a genious."

"You're delusional."

"You'll see. Her next word is going to be 'MAMA.'"

Embarassing Moment #216

This is the face my boss saw when he walked into my office the other day while I had my shirt pulled up to my neck and was in the middle of using my breast pump. It went something like this...

Him: (knocking on door)

Me: DON'T COME IN!

Him: (opening the door)

Me: (hiding behind computer monitor)

Him: Did you get an email from so-and-so?

Me: What the...??? If I say no, will you GO AWAY???

I'm still not sure if he even noticed. I was very grateful for a well-placed computer monitor. Perhaps I should start hanging a sign outside my door.

We still don't have a nanny for Button, which means that as of February 20th, we'll be in a bit of a pickle. Ideally, J's home-based business that he is trying to put together will take off just in time to generate enough income that he can work from home and be there with her. But we're not exactly counting on it.

Measuring Stick

I was wondering when this would start. It's inevitable, I think. I'm reading my weekly "Your Baby" email and see:

"Your baby may be strong enough now to do mini-pushups, lifting her head and chest off the ground for a better view. To encourage her, try placing her on her stomach on a play mat for short periods of time every day. You'll be surprised at how quickly she learns to raise her upper body to see what's going on around her."

...and my first thought is oh no, Button has no interest or ability at ALL to do mini-push ups! My child is developmentally behind!

It's true. We try to put her on her stomach for "tummy time." It just pisses her off. She can't push up and doesn't see the need to. She cries and looks at us like, "You idiots, did I look like I WANTED to do a face plant in the carpet??? Now stand me up so I can tell the baby in the mirror all about it."

She loves to practice standing, so my only solace is to hope that she'll just skip crawling all together and go straight to walking. My child isn't developmentally deficient, she's a GENIUS. So there.

Let me tell you where to PUT THAT JUNE BUG

"I'm tempted to wear a sleeveless shirt today because it's been so HOT in our office recently. But I know as soon as I do, they'll fix the heat and I'll freeze to death."

"Kind of like a june bug when it falls in the pool?"

"I'M GOING TO HURT YOU."

Your mom's a june bug.

"This mobile of Kaelin's is the coolest baby toy ever."

"Yeah, it's kind of like a june bug."

"SHUT UP."

I got your june bug. I got your june bug RIGHT HERE.

When I was younger, in my everpresent desire to express goodwill to the animal kingdom, I would often tour the pool's skimmer baskets to rescue frogs and other happless little creatures that found themselves entrapped.

One of my charity cases was June Bugs. By the time I found them in the skimmer, they were usually dead, but if I happened to see one fly into the pool, I would scoop it up and set it on the side. Much to my frustration, the rescued creatures would often immediately take another nose dive into the pool toward as though they had a death wish...and zero appreciation for my attempts of salvation.

Not the smartest members of creation.

In another effort to rescue a hapless creature yesterday, I put our cat on the opposite side of the pet gate as the dog, in an effort to salvage the fur he has left after an intense wrestling match. J witnessed the situation.

"He must enjoy getting mauled by the dog. I did the same thing last night and he just jumped right back over."

"I know, it's an endless cycle. It's like a june bug that dives right back into the pool."

"Yeah...he's like a...june...bug."

"SHUT UP."

Sigh.

The Nanny quit today. This is a bad day. And the rotten headache I've had since last night doesn't help either.

Got Milk?

I know breastfeeding is supposed to make my kid smarter, but I swear it's making me dumber. Or perhaps the fact that I never get more than 3 consecutive hours of sleep is finally catching up to me.

I just looked at my calendar, which has next monday marked as MLK (Martin Luther King) Day and I totally thought it said MILK DAY.