Bring Me a Straight-Jacket

I'm losing my mind. I can't find anything today. Pieces of paper that were RIGHT THERE on my desk have disappeared. Pages that I could swear I remember updating remain out of date. And best of all, I discovered the Microsoft Office installation disks I was using yesterday...in the refrigerator this morning.

God help me.

Miracles Never Cease

Guess what I got in the mail this weekend?

MY TEXAS DRIVER LICENSE!!! IN THE RIGHT NAME!!! WITH THE RIGHT ADDRESS!!!

Just when you think you've seen everything, the Texas Department of Transportation finally gets it right.

Conflicted

This morning I was reading a book my sister-in-law gave me, called First Time Mom. I had just gotten to Chapter 6, To Work or Not to Work? (outside the home).

This chapter would have been more appropriately named Why You Need to be a Stay at Home Mom.

Halfway through the chapter, J turns on the radio airing of our Sunday Morning Message, as we didn't attend church this morning due to the lack of anywhere to prop up my swollen foot. The message was part of a parenting series and began with Dr. Graham referencing an article called "The Case for Staying at Home."

OH COME ON.

Cute

Shiba Inus are great practice for parenting. About half an hour ago, Hastings pulled every single toy out of his toybox, one by one, and played with them all enthusiastically, for about 5 minutes each. Now he is laying in the middle of a huge scattered circle of toys, completely zonked out.

Eww, Ow, and Holy Crap

This past week has been a hard one, physically.

A week ago, I made the mistake of eating a grilled cheese sandwich with a glass of chocolate milk. Am I pregnant or what?

Anyway, the "mistake" part comes from the fact that I have certain food "sensitivities" which make my intestines react to the combination of certain foods, particularly those containing a lot of dairy products. At the time, it didn't occur to me at all until I found myself in the bathroom vomiting like I haven't done since I was five, and then enduring one of the most painful sessions of diarrhea I've ever known. Having endured many cases of grumpy intestines, that's saying a lot. This is the first time it's actually made me throw up.

The next day, I took a spill in the Chili's parking lot while trying to run shoeless to a car in a torrential downpour. Again, my fault. But it sounded like a good idea at the time. It sounded like less of a good idea when I found myself on the ground in a river of water with a banged-up ankle. The jury is still out on how I managed to scrape up the top of my ankle (and only the top of my ankle) while falling on my butt.

Yesterday, I went to the doctor with abdominal pressure, cramping, and lower back pain. After checking me for signs of preterm labor, the doctor determined that I have a bladder infection and gave me a prescription for antibiotics.

While filling the prescription, I decided - since infection in general can be bad for babies - that it couldn't hurt to pick up some Neosporin and band-aids for the ankle wound I had received in the parking lot several days before.

It hurt.

The wound, which I had been washing daily with antibacterial soap, had previously been only slightly swollen around the red area, but had scabbed over and been little more than an inconvenience on the road to recovery. The only real soreness came from the skin pulling on the new scab when I flexed my ankle.

Within four hours of taking my antibiotics and applying the Neosporin, my foot had swelled to the size of a water buffalo and was too painful to walk on. What had been a typical brown scab became yellow and pus-looking, and the redness had spread to a much larger area.

My bladder infection also picked this time to swing into a full-blown, too-painful-to-stand-up-straight, can't-find-a-position-that-doesn't-hurt problem.

Today, I am doing the John Merrick hobble around the house trying to find a position to sit or lay in that doesn't instill misery. Being seven months pregnant, I only have about 3 positions to choose from, and have found each to be more uncomfortable than the other two.

Having never had a bladder infection before, I'm not sure what they're normally like. But I can tell you that having one with a 3-lb baby sitting on top of it is comparable to having a very tempermental porcupine residing in my abdomen.

Here's hoping the antibiotics kick in, like, yesterday. And it will be a very long time before I drink another glass of cranberry juice.

Poof

You know that switch on the power cord that cuts off the power? Yeah, don't kick that. The computer doesn't like it.

Say Cheese

Went back to the DPS to re-do my license. Again. Got it taken care of, but the DPS guy made me take my picture twice because I wasn't smiling enough in the first one.

You mean it shows that I've already taken this picture three times and even you can't figure out why I have to come back in and take it again? Odd, that.

Department of Unbelievable Stupidity

It's official. I am going to have to move to another state to get a driver license.

If you're hearing a "drip drip" noise, don't be alarmed. It's just the sanity draining out of my head.

Let's review:

Attempt #1 to Obtain Illusive Texas Driver License:
Sometime in April: I go to the DOT (or the DMV or the DPS, pick the acronym of your choice) to get a Texas Driver License to replace my Washington license.

Sometime in May: I receive said license but they have issued it to me in my maiden name. I have been married for FOUR YEARS. Every piece of ID I presented them with, as well as my signature, clearly stated my married name - and yet, I now have a driver license in my maiden name, which I don't even know how they GOT except that they must have had it on file from when I lived in Texas a long long time ago. Worse, they CONFISCATED my Washington Driver license so I now have no picture ID in my married name.

Attempt #2:
May 26: I call the DOT office where I received my license, and am told that nothing can be done unless I come in again and fill out new paperwork, give them a new signature and present the ID THAT THEY HAVE ALREADY CONFISCATED. I try explaining that the paperwork I filled out is already correct, my signature is already correct, and that they already have everything I could possibly give them in person. I am given the number to the Records office in Austin because that's where all my documents are.
I call the Austin office and speak to Amanda, and after explaining the situation twice, she says she can take care of it if I fax her a copy of my marriage license. I do so and receive a confirmation that the fax was successful. I specifically request in the fax cover sheet that she call me if she has any problems or questions, otherwise I will assume everything is ok and that I can expect the license in the mail as talked about.

Said license never shows up.

Attempt #3:
June 23: I moved and needed to change the address on my license. Due to time constraints, I am unable to truck myself down to the DPS again to straighten things out, so I simply change my address online and pay the $11 for them to send me a new license.

New license never arrives.

Attempt #4:
July 20: I call the DOT to find out what has happened to my license and am informed that it was mailed the previous Thursday. There is no reasonable explanation as to why a piece of mail should take a week to get from Austin to Carrollton. Yet, license has been sent regular mail without tracking information, so I have no choice but to wait.
I am also informed that my license is still listed under my maiden name. I explain the conversation I had with Amanda and that this should have been taken care of. I am told that it was not taken care of. Futhermore, no employee at the Austin office has the authority to do name changes (or even name corrections, apparently), and that since there are no notes on my account, I could not possibly have called this office before and talked to anybody named Amanda.
The employee makes it very clear that nobody at the Austin records office could make that change, that the only people authorized to take care of this situation are in the local offices because they have to examine the documents THAT ARE ALREADY ON FILE AT THE AUSTIN RECORDS OFFICE AND CONSEQUENTLY HAVE ALREADY BEEN EXAMINED IN PERSON.

I call the local DPS office AGAIN and relay what the Austin records department told me. They say they cannot possibly make a change without me coming in personally because they need my fingerprints, picture and signature. In order to make a simple correction, the Austin records office would have to take care of that and reissue the license because they are the only ones who have that information.

This is a prime example of the well-known efficiency of government offices.

I should add that I am trying to avoid going into the DOT office because to do so would mean having to take off work (because naturally, they're only open during business hours, when everybody is already BUSY), which my boss doesn't look upon too kindly because I'm planning to take over a month off in a few months for maternity leave.

Attempt #5:
July 20: I give up and haul myself down to the DPS office to change my license. The transaction is very easy and I'm in and out of the office in 15 minutes. WHY I HAD TO MAKE THE SPECIAL TRIP OVER HERE FOR SOMETHING SO INCREDIBLY SIMPLE COMPLETELY ESCAPES ME. After proofreading my temporary paper copy about 64 times, I am amazed that I'm finally going to get a license a) sent to me, and b) with the correct information.

Status Update:
License from Attempt #2 has never arrived.

License from Attempt #3 has never arrived.

License from Attempt #5 has never arrived.

August 8: A letter arrives...
"The Texas Driver License you recently applied for cannot be issued due to a processing error. Please present this letter to the driver license office nearest you for assistance in obtaining a corrected issue. We regret any inconvenience this delay may cause."

I hate the Texas Department of Transportation. Hate them all. This is me wishing cancer upon the entire organization...and making plans for a move to Colorado. I am seriously considering calling Austin and telling them that I want my Washington license back. Pull it out of your black hole files and MAIL IT BACK TO ME. I GIVE UP.

Ruffles Make it All Worthwhile

Ah, the start of another month. A month closer to THE DAY in which our lives change forever. The ever-approaching day which still seems to be removed by at least half a lifetime.

Went to a baby shower the other day (not mine) in which I got a lesson in diapers. And was made futher aware that I know next to nothing about children. Or their bodily functions. Here's hoping that our child inherrits my intestinal tract so we don't go through quite as many diapers.

I was also informed that it's quite practical, and many parents find preferable, to use cloth diapers instead of disposables, because of their recyclable nature and cost-saving abilities. This I do not understand.

SCREW THE ENVIRONMENT, I AM NOT PUTTING POOP IN MY WASHING MACHINE.

As far as the cost factor, yes, I realize that disposable diapers are far more expensive than cloth diapers. But the way I see it, it's like owning a car instead of a bicycle. Exceedingly more expensive, yes. BUT YOU MAKE IT HAPPEN BECAUSE IT'S WORTH IT. I can eat Ramen.

On another note, I got my Old Navy order in today...and ran around showing off cute little green and yellow baby outfits. It was not actually my intention to go online and order baby clothes, seeing as how I have no baby yet, but I was ordering maternity clothes and got...distracted.

There is nothing cuter than a miniature pair of bluejeans with little ruffles at the bottom. And that's a fact.