Struggle

"Everyday is a struggle between what I wanna say, and what I should keep to myself..."

-Toby Lightman, Everyday

"****** Marketing, this is Amy."
"I'm a distributor and there's a sticker on my box that says 'Distributor ID Number: 5714.' Is that my Distributor ID Number?"
"Well it's certainly not your IQ."
(NOTE: Distributor ID Number has been changed to protect the stupid)

"Olive Garden, may I help you?"
"Yes, I need to add a soup to the pick-up order I placed a few minutes ago."
"What kind?"
"I can't remember the name, it's the one that starts with a Z."
"The Pasta e Fagioli?"
"Did you pass kindergarden?"

Personal Victory of the Day: I am slowly winning the battle of the bulge. Of the 12 pounds I gained after I got married (actually, after I graduated and quit walking around a 5-level campus all day) I'm down to 7 as of this morning. Yee-ha! Of course, that probably has less to do with any efforts of my own, and more to do with the fact that last night's dinner didn't stick with me very long.

I think I have developed some sort of a food allergy, but can't for the life of me figure it out. Sometimes I make notes on what I eat, and have come to the following conclusions:

Milk: OK if I drink it on a regular basis. BAD if I haven't had it in a while
Milk on an empty stomach: BAD
Milk + Wings: BAD
Chocolate Milk + Wings: OK
Chocolate Milk on an empty stomach: BAD
Milk + Cereal: OK
Pizza: OK
Pizza + Coke: usually OK
Studio Movie Grill Pizza + Pepsi: Bad...sometimes
Cheesecake: BAD
Crab: BAD sometimes, but I don't care. I like it too much.
Wienerschnitzel Hotdogs: BAD...but that probably goes without saying.
Alfredo: BAD
Tai Noodle Dishes: BAD
Fajitas at On the Border: OK
Fajitas at Colorado Restaurant: BAD
Coke: OK
Penne w/4-cheese marinara: OK
Coke + Penne w/4-cheese marinara: BAD

After all that, I still can't figure it out. I guess I'm not lactose intolerant, or dairy products would always bother me, right? It seems that carbonated beverages and cheese don't go well together. And I don't know what was with the hotdogs and fajitas. Ideas, anyone?

I'm a glutton for punishment. It's free lunch day at work (yay) and we're having Olive Garden. Cheese ravioli and lasagna. And Coke. Bad for diet and food allergy. Yummmmm...

On a side note, I have discovered why cowboys walk bow-legged. Contrary to popular belief, it has nothing to do with riding horses. It's so they can keep from scuffing up those pretty boots. I need to take a lesson from them, as I have just succeeded in ruining yet another pair of great leather boots by scratching up the sides with my heels. Doh.

And on another side note, I can't even teach my cat to do this.