Birthday Fun

(NOTE TO DAD - YOU MAY WANT TO SKIP THIS POST)

Wanna know the best thing about being pregnant?

BIGGER BOOBS!!!

And a birthday shopping spree to Victoria's Secret - sweet!

Worst Baby Names Part Quatro

Obharnait
Odanodan
Oengus
Ohnicio
Oilbhe
Oonach
Orghlaith
Piran
Quaid
Queran
Rafer
Raghnailt
Raghnall
Rathnait
Reidhachadh
Rioghnach
Roibeard
Ruadhagan
Sadhbba
Scolaighe

Birthday Blues

I haven't been hungry in 3 days. I suppose it stems from the fact that things are kind of shifting around down there and maybe Mr. Tummy just doesn't have as much room to expand, but quite frankly - especially for someone who looks forward to food as one of the highlights of the day - it just sucks.

Ordinarily this would not really be a problem except that this weekend was my birthday, which means all weekend people are shoving delicious food and desserts toward me in large quantities. And I have guilt and resentment toward my stomach for not being able to...stomach it.

Saturday was lunch at Red Robin and dinner at the aunt & uncle's, where the course de jour was lots of ribs and large portions of other yummy edibles. And mint-chocolate-chip ice cream cake.

Sunday was dinner at The Melting Pot. Enough said. So I spent most of the weekend miserably uncomfortable and unable to do anything about it except eat more because, aside from the guilt, if I don't eat regularly my blood sugar goes down and then I get queasy (which I believe is what happend this morning and consequently why I was 2 hours late to work).

Getting some extra rest this morning has helped me with the fatigue issue, which also played a part this weekend. I think I probably take about 1.5-2 hours of naps per day now, which is unusual even for me. All in all, I'm really looking forward to getting past this first trimester thing.

Worst Baby Names Part #3

Laoghaire
Leachlainn
Leathlobhair
Luighseach
Maloney
Mannix
Mannuss
Maolruadhan
Maonaigh
Marmaduke
Meadhbh
Mogue
Morag
Morella
Muadhnait
Muircheartaigh
Mungo
Murdoch
Naomhan
Nulty

How to Make Me Grumpy

Call up our office and ask how many of our products are floating around in Texas. When I tell you there's really no way to get an accurate figure on that, tell me you weren't born yesterday.

First of all, I could care less when you were born. Second, I have neither the inclination nor imagination to make up answers to distributor questions just to see how naive you are. To assume that I'm deliberately trying to mislead you is insulting and inappropriate.

Then, respond to my silence by telling me you're a "smart ass" as though it's some kind of ailment that excuses rude behavior and THE COMPLETE LACK OF DISCERNMENT BETWEEN "WITTY" AND "OFFENSIVE." That's not a smart-ass. That's just an ass.

And it's not an apology when you're proud of it.

Dreams

I dreamed last night that my husband's family gave me a horse for my birthday. And I couldn't ride it because I didn't have a saddle.

Duh.

Worst Baby Names Part Duu

Cruadhlaoich
Damhnait
Eibhlhin
Fachnan
Fainche
Faoiltiama
Fardoragh
Finella
Fionnghuala
Fogartaigh
Fynballa
Gilda
Giolla Chroist
Gormghlaith
Grioghar
Gubnat
Izett
Jarlath
Kinsella
Labhaoise

To all the parents in the world, please don't give your children names that resemble curse words or bodily functions.

Worst Celtic Baby Names Part #1

There are some really cool celtic baby names. And there are also some really NOT cool celtic baby names. So many that I decided to make a list of the 100 Worst Celtic Baby Names (yeah, it's a little bit slow at work today).

Below are the first 20 in the set:

Addergoole
Aderrig
Adhamh
Alastriona
Amblaoibh
Aodhfin
Aoibheann
Bairrfhoinn
Ballindeny
Beartlaidh
Beolagh
Brandubh
Buagh
Cacanisius
Calbhach
Ceallachan
Cearbhall
Ciatlllait (yes, 3 l's)
Coillcumhann
Crohoore

Name This

The fact that I have the most boring name on earth is not my parents' fault. Because I was born with a cleft palate, I couldn't pronounce things like Shakira or Monty Python. Therefore, they were force to give me a simple name that wouldn't come out of my mouth mangled and limping during the early years.

You can't get much simpler than Amy.

The downside of course, is the fact that I've spent my whole life making people specify whether they were talking to me or one of the other six Amy's in the room. And though I never had a problem with people mispronouncing my first name, with my maiden name, I was still subject to instructing people how to spell and say my name in public, and therefore can claim no time-saving benefits.

Though I have to admit, my maiden name makes a great call-screening device. You know that someone who completely butchers it probably wants to sell you something.

Anyway, we're hoping to avoid the common name issues with this child. Our last name, while not a Smith, is easily spelled enough to prevent verbal mangling on first reading. One down, just one name to go. So we put our heads together and came up with a list of names for boys and girls that would be easy enough to pronounce, but would not have six heads turning to answer "what?"

Here's our list so far, in no particular order, with pronunciation guides attached (insert "oooh-ahhh" here). If you can't tell, we're going with the celtic name theme. And yes, we're aware that they all sound the same. Hey, at least we know what we like.

BOY
Kegan (KEE-gen)
Aedan (A-den)
Toran (TOR-en)
Eghan (EE-gon)
Kieran (KEE-ron)
Teagan (TEE-gen)
Eann (EE-an, like Ian)
Tristan (TRIST-on)
Braydon (BRAY-don)
Arden (AR-den)

GIRL
Keelin (KEE-lin)
Arlyn (AR-lin)
Ceara (kee-AR-ah)
Eavan (EE-van)
Rylee (RI-lee)
Kellen (KELL-en)
Tierney (TEER-nee)
Haley (HAY-lee)
Kailyn (KAY-lin)
Eimile (EM-i-lee)

You should see some of the celtic names we've found. I really think somebody dumped over a scrabble board and started picking letters up one-by-one to make some of these names. For instance, who in their right mind would name their kid Eamnonn? Or Eideard? Or Findabhair???

Bloating & Shifting

Yeah, this is going to be one of those pregnancy status posts. There will probably be a lot of these in the next several months so DEAL WITH IT. And after that, there will probably be a lot of baby posts because this is a blog about MY LIFE and I hear babies have a way of TAKING OVER YOUR LIFE.

I discovered something very comforting yesterday. Apparently it's quite common for women to experience bloating and a "shifting" of the internal organs between 6-8 weeks of pregnancy, which results in a swelling of the stomach area.

And I just thought I was getting overly fat. Technically, I shouldn't be showing for another few months, but I have noticed a marked increase in the size of my belly over the past few days... which led to a nervous self-consciousness, especially since I've been walking a lot recently and haven't been consuming more food than normal. I think I have a phobia of becoming one of those women who gain 100 pounds during pregnancy (ugh!) and as a result have an enormous diabetic baby and can't lose the weight after birth. Yikes.

The pregnancy advice and information websites warn against putting on too much weight during pregnancy because it's harmful to the baby. Of course they also say not to diet because that's harmful to the baby. So unless God himself keeps me skinny, this kid's pretty much screwed either way.

Anyway, the news that I'm not a freak (at least not physically) especially came as a relief to J. Try as he might, men are just not equipped with any adequate defense for the "I'M FAT" panic attack.

Day #40

FYI:

"This is day number 40 and you're 6 weeks pregnant!You have 240 days or 34 weeks left, and are 15.0% of the way there.Baby's age since conception is 26 days or 4 weeks. You are due on 10/19/2005.

The first heartbeats have begun! The heart is dividing into chambers and will soon find a more regular rhythm. The embryo itself is about a quarter of an inch long and looks more like a tadpole than a human. It undergoes a tremendous growth spurt this week. Major organs, including the kidneys and liver, begin to grow. Your baby is smaller than a grain of rice, with a beating heart aboutthe size of a poppy seed."

Secret's Out

To regular readers, it may have appeared that I have not been doing much blogging over the past week. Despite appearances, I have been doing a decent amount of blogging, but have been unable to POST any of it because of the fact that I am aware that my parents read this blog. But now the secret's out of the bag, so all is revealed. To catch up on what an eventful week this has been, please check the following newly posted entries:

Testing, Testing, 1-2-3 (2/14)
Going Digital (2/14)
Valentine's Surprise (2/14)
Good News (2/15)
Like Wow (2/15)
"An-ti-ci-pa-tion..." (insert music here) (2/17)
Brilliant! (2/18)
Announcements (2/18)

PS: I think last night was a whopping success. Both sets of new grandparents are very excited and are now debating over who gets to be "Grandpa" etc. My dad had that giddy smile on his face the whole night and would spontaneously burst into giggles on occasion. I love that. I have to admit that while I'm still warming up to the whole idea, it does help to watch everone else be so excited.

Announcements

Today is the day that the parents find out they're going to be grandparents. We mailed a package to J's parents that had matching Mariners T-shirts in Mens, Womens, and Baby size. The package is scheduled to be delivered at 7:00 tonight so we'll probably be getting a phone call sometime around then.
We have the same set-up for my parents (except they're Rangers T-shirts) and hopefully will get to deliver the goods and the news tonight, but are unsure because by some irritating coincidence, this is the busiest week of my parents' lives. Dad has been out of town all week on business and they both have activities and committments scheduled over the weekend. So we're hoping they will be available for dinner tonight when he gets in, since it looks like he's going to cancel one of his previous arrangements. But it's tough to say "hey, we need you guys to set aside some time together so we can tell you something VERY IMPORTANT" without giving away the surprise. Especially since my mom asks me if I'm pregnant every time I eat a banana and a pickle within half an hour of each other.
So we're stuck with "hey, are you guys available for dinner, just because, since we haven't seen you all week?" Doesn't exactly inspire "drop everything and go" action, but what can you do.
This has been a very news-filled week. In addition to finding out that our family is growing, two of my closest friends got engaged. One is having a family-only wedding in April, so I don't have to worry about that, but my best friend wants to get married in August. Translate as "my best friend wants to get married when I'm round, fat and grumpy." WHY???
And have you seen the available maternity brides maid dresses? UGH. I hope I don't have to take a black sharpie to all her wedding pictures.

Brilliant!

So we're hoping to buy a house when our lease expires in June. There's just a small problem with the downpayment, or lack thereof. But never fear, being the ingenious people we are, we have devised a way to raise the funds neccessary for our dream house.

We can put our baby's name up for auction on Ebay.

We think this prospect could easily bring in a few hundred thousand dollars, and would be a spectacular deal for the company who paid for the advertisement, because unlike the guy who auctioned off his forehead for 3 months, this advertising could last like 85 years! It would be at least 18 years before the kid could legally change his/her name, right?

And if your name is Frito Lay, you're bound to get some attention, so the company wouldn't have to worry about guaranteed exposure.

Are we brilliant or what?

"An-ti-ci-pa-tion..." (insert music here)

I'm intentionally delaying the setting of my first pre-natal doctors appointment. I think the biggest problem with this whole pregnancy thing is my inate phobia of pain. And upon reading this...

"This will probably be the longest visit you have with your doctor or midwife (unless you encounter problems along the way)...At your initial appointment your doctor or midwife will take your family history, and give you a thorough physical, including a pelvic exam. You will also get a Pap smear to test for cervical cancer. Routine blood tests are taken to identify your blood type, Rh factor, and whether you're deficient in iron. You will also be tested for immunity to German measles (rubella) as well as for sexually transmitted diseases such as syphilis. Depending on your ethnic background and medical history, you may also be tested for sickle-cell anemia, Tay-Sachs disease, and thalassemia."

That's medical terminology for "they're going to stick me." And this is the part where I run and hide under the nearest examination table.

I hate needles. Hate them. They are one of the few things in life that can actually make me cry in public, which is embarrasing and frustrating and makes me hate them even more. This first appointment sounds like it will include a lot of needles. And a pap smear. FAN-TAST-IC.

Like Wow.

So I'm now covered on the best maternity insurance plan I've ever seen. From now until the baby leaves the hospital should cost us no more than $460. Score.

Good News

Thank goodness for understanding bosses. J's company "corrected" the paperwork to get me insured starting the beginning of this month. They can do that because since I haven't seen a doctor yet, I'm not "officially diagnosed" so it doesn't count as a pre-existing condition. YAY FOR INSURANCE. That's a load off my mind.

Guarded

I was thoroughly guarded last night. For some inexplicable reason, our fun-loving puppy (who will always be "puppy" to us, even though he reached adulthood over a year ago) was on orange-alert the ENTIRE night. No matter where I went, he followed and intently watched the door as if some monster was going to come in and attack us. He was up ALL NIGHT guarding the bedroom. He wasn't noisy or anything, but he was awake and watching the door the whole night while we slept. This is the same dog who doesn't wake up when you shove him half-way across the bed.
At about 4:30am he woke us up by growling at the door. We let him explore the house and he was totally spooked about it. Then he went back to the bedroom and continued to guard it for the rest of the night, his little ears perked to full attention. Sometime between then and when the alarm went off this morning, he relaxed and seems to be ok now. Weird.

And he wouldn't come back inside this morning when I let him out before I left for work, which consequently made me late. He ALWAYS comes inside when you call him, at worst when you offer him a treat. But no, he had no intention of stepping foot back into the house. I eventually had to resort to dangling the leash in front of him. I hate doing that because he LIVES to go on walks and I feel like such a SCUM BAG for tricking him into coming inside and then not taking him for a walk. You should have seen the wide-eyed look he gave me when I left. GUILT GUILT GUILT.

I was also late for work because I spent 20 minutes this morning looking for my keys. I should have been looking for my brain the whole time. Somehow, I managed to find them. In the trunk of my car. Thank goodness for the extra set of car keys J leaves on the counter. And for whatever prompted me to look in the TRUNK for my KEYS.

Valentine's Surprise

I broke the news to J at dinner. Here he was expecting a nice quiet dinner out. BU-WHA-HA-HA-HA! I gave him a bag that contained a pooper-scooper*, a pair of infant booties with baseball puffs on the toes, and a book entitled "Father's First Year." He had that "deer in the headlights" look all night. He's so cute that way. But I think he's excited. He took it better than I did.
By that, I mean he didn't give himself a stomach ache by jumping up and down and screaming obsenities.
But I'm doing better. I thought it would really annoy me that everyone else is really excited about this news that is going to change my life much more drastically than it affects theirs... but now I find it kind of helps with the anxiety. For some reason I feel that if nobody else is contemplating hurling themselves off a building, perhaps it's not so neccessary afterall.
J is going to talk to his boss tomorrow to see if it's too late to add me to the insurance policy. He's got a really good plan, so it would be great to be on it. That, and the fact that there aren't any personal insurance plans in Texas that cover maternity, so it's pretty much company insurance or bust. I don't like the sound of bust.

*Evidently not everyone is aware that pregnant women aren't supposed to have contact with the litter box. Hence the pooper-scooper.

Going Digital

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGG-GGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

After calling my best friend the pharmacist in a frenzied panic this morning, I took her suggestion about ignoring the 1-line-2-lines test and instead getting the digital version. The kind that says "Pregnant" or "Not Pregnant." I thought that sounded like a great idea.

Guess what. Evidently, 1.5 lines = Pregnant.

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAGGGGGGGGGGGG-GGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!

Testing, Testing, 1-2-3

1 Line = Not Pregnant
2 Lines = Pregnant

WHAT THE HELL DOES ONE AND A HALF LINES MEAN???

Addiction

Before anyone else sees fit to inform me, I think I will just go ahead and make the admission:
I am addicted to this game.
And I don't care. This sucker keeps me entertained for hours during the slow times at work. And I'm getting better. So far my skill level is 2.5 stars out of 5. For those who have never played this game before, that's over 110,000 points, which is DARN HARD to do. Well not so much hard, as requires a lot of patience.
If you have never played this game before, I highly recommend it. Make sure you have some time on your hands. And DON'T trust the hints...they will certainly lead to your demise. And if you ask for hints it costs you 50 points. Have fun!

PS: Finally got The Boss to admit he didn't have any dirt afterall.

Now That's Logic

We were watching Ripley's Believe It or Not last night, and among the showcase of a Siberian Forest Ranger with a Snap-on Face and some Dervish guys who think it's cool to hammer stakes through their heads, was Ashok Verma, a man whose claim to fame is the ability to lift a 13-lb weight by holding buttons in his eyes to which the weight is attached.
He embarked on this pastime because he is a jeweler by trade, and was beginning to worry about the condition of his eyes. After all, a jeweler who can't see doesn't have a career. Makes sense. But that's about where they lost me.
Concerned about the strength of his vision, he decided that if he could strengthen his eyelids, his vision would improve. Think about that for a second.
Further, he was convinced that the best way to strengthen his lids was to tie weights with pieces of string to two buttons and STICK THEM IN HIS EYES. Then with his eyelids closed over the buttons, he would try to lift the weights held by the strings.
Now that's some stone cold logic, right there. In the (likely) event that he jeopardizes his family's stability by dislodging his eyeballs or scratching out his corneas, at least he can become a circus performer. Do they have the circus in India?

Dirt

The Boss told me today that he "had some dirt" on me that would make me blush.
WHAT THE HECK WAS HE TALKING ABOUT???
I'm not a member of any secret club, I don't participate in any obscure sexual rituals, and I can't really think of any skeletons that are locked away in my emotional closet.
What possible piece of embarrassing evidence could he possibly have come across?
I'm confused. He probably just did that to irritate me.

JUST PICK SOMETHING

Highlights from a family discussion on where to go for lunch.

Hey, we were thinking that Pei Wei sounded good for lunch today.
Oh no, not Pei Wei...
What's wrong with Pei Wei?
You always liked it before.
No, I love Pei Wei & PF Changs. It's just that every time I eat there, I leave feeling like 'Ohhh'.
Don't eat so much then. Take half of it home.
It's just that every time we go out to eat with you guys we eat at Pei Wei or PF Changs.
We haven't been there since November.
I'm just totally over Pei Wei and PF Changs. There's nothing really good there.
You just said you loved Pei Wei.
I only love one thing there. The beef and broccoli.
Ok, since you're the veto person, where should we go?
I don't know.
What's that other restaurant you think is gross? I think we should choose between those two.
I think a lot of restaurants are gross.
We know. You don't like anything.
No, I like a lot of restaurants, just not the ones you guys like.
Like what?
I like...Luna de Noche...and Carrabbas...and Posados.
So you like three restaurants.
And two of them are Mexican food, which we're having at the party tonight.
I like more than that, I just can't think of them right now.
We're a little burned out on Luna.
Yeah, I'm not in a Luna de Noche mood right now anyway. Italian sounds good.
We can't eat Italian before the party tonight. That would be way too much food in one day. How about WingStop. It's Superbowl Sunday afterall.
(silence)
Sandwiches? Something light? Quiznos.
He's giving the 'I don't like Quiznos' face.
It's just that...hey, I do have a coupon for a free 6" sub at Subway though.
Not subway. Dry bread and green tomatoes.
I say we just let these two decide.
So what are you in the mood for?
Nothing really. I'm not hungry. I probably won't eat anything.
You're not hungry???
No, not really. You guys pick somewhere, it doesn't matter to me.
So why couldn't we have gone to Pei Wei?
We can go to Pei Wei. That's fine.
Of course you guys realize that while we've been standing here for the last 20 minutes, the rest of the church congregation has filed out of here and is now standing in the 3 mile long line at Pei Wei.
Let's just go to Pei Wei.
(half way to Pei Wei)
Hey, you guys wanna go to Red Lobster?
But you hate seafood.
No, I hate fish. And crab. But I love Red Lobster.
(unanimous) Red Lobster it is.

How to Make Me Grumpy(er)

Wake me up from a nap and motivate me to get out of bed by threatening to fart on my face. Then ask me if I'm grumpy because of PMS.

You. Couch. Tonight.

PS: I don't care if you didn't really have one stored to release.

Mr. Innocent

Don't be fooled by the picture. Those innocent eyes kept me up all night. Chewing, pacing, smacking, and other mid-night activities were the pleasure of our dear pup in the wee hours of the morning.
I woke up at 2:00am to the sound of a sock being mangled. Another sock had already lost its threads of life and had been discarded on the floor. WHERE DOES HE KEEP GETTING THESE???
From 2-3:00, I kept waking up with a start to the sound of more socks being mauled, and would leap out of bed only to find Hastings playing with the rope toy. It's amazing how a rope toy ceases to sound like a toy in the middle of the night.
It was imperative that he make a trip outside at 3:00am. 3:30 was time to play tug-of-war with the rope toy...and it was quite confusing to him why neither of us were up for the game. Obviously we didn't understand how cool the rope toy was, and needed it dropped on our faces for closer examination.
Evidently my hand was in desperate need of grooming at 4:30 this morning and became subject to a multitude of sloppy kisses. When it was suddenly pulled under the pillow, my elbow made a suitable replacement.
I was late to work this morning because my brain needed a trip to Starbucks, evidenced by the fact that I ordered the wrong drink (how the heck did "Mocha Frappuccino" come out as "White Chocolate Mocha"???) and had to get back in line to re-order. Anybody want a white chocolate mocha?

Headache

The accountant we use for our business doesn't use a computer to balance bank statements. So when I need to confirm that specific checks have cleared the bank (it's 1099 season again), I have to go through every single bank statement since the check was cut (a year ago) to see if that check number cleared in any month.

The THUMP THUMP sound you may be hearing right now is me beating my head against my desk.

There should be laws against living in the ice age.

PS - speaking of ice, it never did snow yesterday.

Holy. Crap.

I'm usually not one to pass on a lot of forwards, but I just can't help myself with this one.

Turn up your sound and wait for the eyebrow twitch.

Click Here

Magnetic Sweater

The sweater I'm wearing today is one of those pieces of clothing that attracts everything. It seems that every woman is required to own at least one of these. Whenever I wear it, I have to employ the force field to keep the pets away because touching my dog means I walk away wearing more fur on my sleeves than he has on his entire body. How does that happen??? It's just not right to go through an entire lint brush in one day. Trips to the bathroom also require extra caution to ensure you don't return with the roll of toilet paper stuck to your back.

So thanks to this weird stretchy material and an overabundance of static electricity, I'm a walking magnetic field, forever explaining to people that no, I'm not attempting to impersonate Labyrinth's Junk Lady.

But I'm warm, which is what mattered to me the most when I dressed this morning. It's supposedly going to snow today, though we've seen no direct signs of it thusfar. I think the weatherman is just playing with my emotions.

And in other news today...actually I think these were from yesterday:
How to get fired
A New Low

Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go release the squirrel that got stuck to my sweater on the way in this morning.

NASA Takes Over

We're doing a supposedly simple video today. There's so much equipment in that tiny room that we're all questioning how in the world Boss Man is going to fit in there to do the presentation.
This is a low key presentation that could be easily filmed with a camcorder on a tripod. Instead, we have 4 cameras + 4 monitors + 400 wires & cables = OVERKILL.